Christian Christmas Jokes
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he's always stuffed!
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No you can have turkey like everyone else!
We had grandma for Christmas dinner?
Really, we had turkey!
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet!
What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?
She’d go to a “re-tail” shop for a new one!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean. That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? Santapplause!
What do you call people who are scared of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!
What do you call Santa when he has no money?
What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas? A rebel without a Claus!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a flying saucer? A UF ho, ho, ho
What do you get if you cross Santa with a gardener? Someone who likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!
And what goes oh! oh! oh?
Father Christmas walking backwards.
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!
What's red & white and red & white and red & white? Santa rolling down a hill!
Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?
At a Ho-ho-tel
I'm so strong I could lift a reindeer with one hand.
Yeah, but where are we going to find a one-handed reindeer?
What do snowmen eat for lunch? Icebergers !
How do snowmen travel around? By iceicle!
How do snowmen greet each other?
Ice to meet you!
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
What's a snowman's favorite Mexican food?
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman? You have to holow out it's head first
Q: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
A: Santa Clues!
”I don't care who you are, fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof!”
Sherlock's favorite Christmas song:
"I'll be Holmes for Christmas"
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
What is green, covered with tinsel and goes "ribbet ribbet"? A mistle-"toad"!
What did the grape say to the peanut butter?
"'Tis the season to be jelly!"
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling crummy!
What kind of money do they use at the North Pole? Cold cash!
I keep Christmas in my heart every month of the year. That's because it's on my charge card statement that long!
Why is Christmas just like another day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!
CHRISTMESS: Five minutes after the gifts are opened!
What kind of music do elves like best?
Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party? Chick to chick!